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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29569647">I’m a Mess</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justbeyourself205/pseuds/Justbeyourself205'>Justbeyourself205</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>My Chemical Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad date, Best Friends, Coming Out, F/M, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Frank Iero, Oblivious Gerard Way, Overthinking, Rejection but just a bit, Smoking, Valentine's Day, mikey is not impressed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:09:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29569647</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justbeyourself205/pseuds/Justbeyourself205</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The last thing Frank expects is for his date to slap him. He just got high before their date, she's acting like everything's ruined. Doesn't she know how getting high works? It'll wear off in a bit.</p><p>He'd considered going home but his mom knew he had a date so returning so soon would be suspicious.</p><p>Stupid Valentine’s Day, this sucks.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Frank Iero &amp; Gerard Way, Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Frank Iero/Jamia Nestor, Gerard Way &amp; Mikey Way</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I’m a Mess</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I didn’t really proofread this at all so if there’s any mistakes then that’s why. I wrote this today during class, I couldn’t get the idea out of my head.</p><p>Anyway, enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The last thing Frank expects is for his date to slap him. Really, the sting of the slap leaves him buzzing with irritation. He just got high before their date, she's acting like everything's ruined. Doesn't she know how getting high works? It'll wear off in a bit.</p><p>He'd been good too, given her flowers and dressed nicer so he wouldn't embarrass her in front of her friends. She had been overjoyed, giggling about how he's so sweet and kissed him.</p><p>She was pretty, dark hair and her makeup done so good Frank doesn't know why she even likes him. She could have better, he can't help but think it, it's not exactly false.</p><p>It's only when she'd noticed his red eyes that'd she frozen and asked him if he's high. He'd shrugged because barely. Just enough to relax a bit. He didn't understand why she'd gotten so mad, everything was going smoothly despite his mind reeling a bit.</p><p>He definitely didn't expect her to slap him and tell him she couldn't believe he'd do that. It's not like she was innocent or anything, she'd known he smokes. She'd called the date off so quick he wonders if she even wanted it in the first place.</p><p>And now he's making his way home. Well, not home, to the Way's house. He'd considered going home but his mom knew he had a date so returning so soon would be suspicious. Plus he doesn't want her to notice he's stoned.</p><p>But just a bit, he swears it's gonna wear off before he even makes it to the Way's house. Stupid Valentines Day, this sucks. Mikey looks completely unimpressed when he opens the door with one eyebrow raised, letting him in, "Thought you had a date."</p><p>Frank makes his way to the kitchen, so hungry already, seeing Donna making sandwiches at the counter. She hands him one without even looking up and Frank leans against the counter while he takes a bite, looking back to Mikey, "She didn't like the fact that I smoked a bit beforehand."</p><p>He rubs at his cheek, which is still probably red. Mikey raises his eyebrows, "You showed up high.. for a date."</p><p>Frank rolls his eyes, "Barely. Just to relax a bit, you know."</p><p>Mikey rolls his eyes, "Whatever you say."</p><p>Frank shrugs, continuing to eat his sandwich, "Where's Gerard?"</p><p>"In his room."</p><p>He nods, heading there with the comment, "Cool."</p><p>The basement is as dark and ever but he doesn't hesitate as he goes down the stairs. It always smells so much like Gerard, he relaxes a bit. It's warm at least, bringing some feeling into his fingers that he hadn't realized were numb.</p><p>The older man is hunched over his sketchbook, looking up at the sound of the stairs creaking, "Thought you had a date."</p><p>The Way brothers are so alike sometimes that Frank almost rolls his eyes. He takes a bite of his sandwich, shrugging as he squints at a canvas set up to dry, "Cancelled. What is that?"</p><p>Gerard watches him as he makes his way to it. He leans close to it, careful not to touch it, he really needs to get his eyes checked. It's characters in a duel, drawn out messily in Gerard's signature style.</p><p>He eats the rest of his sandwich as he looks over the careful strokes of paint, imagining Gerard painting them with his tongue out like he always does, "This is so good."</p><p>He can almost imagine Gerard ducking his head and shrugging behind him at the compliment, "Just a quick idea."</p><p>Frank turns and is greeted with the sight of Gerard carefully training his eyes to his sketchbook, he smiles earnestly, "You're so talented it's annoying."</p><p>He moves to sit next to Gerard on his bed, maybe a bit closer than he would anyone else. Whatever, they're close, Gerard is like one of his best friends. Plus Frank is touchy and not good with boundaries once he's comfortable with someone.</p><p>Gerard doesn't seem uncomfortable with it, continuing to draw as Frank moves so his knees are right against his thigh. The younger boy smiles, fingers curling easily around Gerard's sleeve, tugging, "What are you drawing? You should draw me."</p><p>Usually he wouldn't suggest this, he's been told by many artists that it's annoying. But he'd previously asked Gerard about this and he'd said he doesn't mind. Gerard is always open to ideas, Frank likes that about him.</p><p>The corner of Gerard's mouth curves upwards and he tilts his sketchbook to show that a drawing of him is already being started. He smiles easily, looking over the careful lines drawn.</p><p>Gerard works at shaping his eyes right as he asks, "What happened with your date?"</p><p>Frank sighs, seeing Gerard's eyes jump to his cheek for a second in worry, "Valentines day sucks, I hate it."</p><p>"What happened?"</p><p>Frank worries Gerard's sleeves with his fingers, "She called it off because I smoked a bit of pot beforehand. But only a little bit, it's not like I was really high or anything, just enough to not be so nervous."</p><p>The older boy nods, "She got mad?"</p><p>"She slapped me."</p><p>Gerard has stopped drawing for a second, looking him over, "Well, I'd be mad too. It was a bit rude of you to do that, wasn't it like a group thing?"</p><p>Frank nods, Gerard reaching up to clean away some peanut butter on the corner of his mouth gently, "But not rude enough to get slapped over, right?"</p><p>"Right. But you still should've talked to her about whatever was making you nervous. Or if it was alright for you to smoke first. Or asked literally anything about her friends, maybe they're not into that."</p><p>Frank considers that and realizes that Gerard is right, "Fuck. Calling me out, Gee."</p><p>He shrugs, going back to working on his drawing, "You gotta talk to her if you want shit to work out. And apologize."</p><p>Frank nods, watching Gerard's face closely as he draws. He looks bored at most, like he didn't just say some insanely mature words to Frank. Who the fuck even does that? Gerard apparently, it's so effortless too.</p><p>He's lost in his head for a bit, watching Gerard as he looks pretty while concentrating. He's startled out of it when Gerard nudges him, handing over the sketchbook.</p><p>Frank knows that Gerard doesn't trust many people with something so personal, he's always careful with it because he knows it's important. He also knows he's being trusted not to start flipping pages, looking only at whatever he's shown.</p><p>He holds it gently, mindful not to rip any pages as he takes it. The drawing of him is messy but so good, it looks so much like him and Frank fills with warmth, "This is so great."</p><p>Gerard shrugs, looking at it closely now, "Just looks like you."</p><p>Frank looks to him with soft eyes, "Nah, I definitely think you make me prettier or something."</p><p>Gerard frowns at him, "Just looks like you to me."</p><p>Frank sets it down carefully before hugging Gerard, who's so warm that he heats up Frank's body too, "Thanks for making my shitty day a bit better. I love you."</p><p>He's said it a million times and he knows that look that always crosses the older man's face, something always of worry. Still, warm arms come around his waist and it's mumbled just for him, "I love you too, Frankie."</p><p>They let each other go as Gerard's door opens, Mikey walking in after just one knock on the doorframe. He still looks unimpressed, "What are you two doing down here, it's so quiet."</p><p>Frank shrugs, returning back to leaning into Gerard, "Talking about my date. Got any plans tonight, Mikeyway?"</p><p>Mikey does smile now, "With Alicia, yeah. Looks like it's just you two tonight, shame that Gerard's date stood him up though."</p><p>Frank's eyes jump to Gerard, "What? You didn't even tell me."</p><p>Gerard shrugs, "It's alright, not important."</p><p>"Of course it's important, you alright?"</p><p>Gerard nods, still looking bored, "Yeah." Frank doesn't plan to comment anymore until Gerard comments, "She was cute though."</p><p>Frank smiles, "Of course if she got a chance with you."</p><p>Gerard wrinkles his nose, "What are you implying?"</p><p>Frank shrugs, "That's you're cute. Cute attracts cute, ya know?"</p><p>Their eyes meet for a second almost intensely before the older man looks away, "I guess."</p><p>Frank looks away too, shrugging again. It's so weirdly intense and an odd feeling is bubbling up inside of his stomach. Mikey breaks it up, "Anyway, now that you too are done doing.. whatever, we should smoke."</p><p>Frank raises his eyebrows, "Thought you were above smoking before a date."</p><p>Mikey raises his eyebrows back, "Unlike you, my date is a smoker. I'll probably smoke on the date too."</p><p>A hint of a whine falls into Frank's voice, "Lucky."</p><p>Frank itches to take the first hit, fingers practically twitching with it and Gerard looks at him darkly as he lights it. It's the older man that takes the first hit before Mikey is telling him to pass it over. Why did things get so heavy suddenly?</p><p>He steals it from Mikey eagerly, groaning in satisfaction as he exhales. He feels eyes hotly running down his throat and knows better than to convince himself it's Mikey. It could be curiosity but it feels too intense.</p><p>Gerard isn't one to look intensely at anything unless it's his work. He lets his eyes meet Gerard's as he brings the blunt back up to his mouth, the older man's eyes instantly jumping away to look anywhere else.</p><p>It's not like Frank hadn't seen Gerard observing him before, he's just never seen him with his gaze this heavy. It's like Gerard is heavy with.. something. His cheeks burn a bit from the way his stomach twists.</p><p>Gerard is his best friend, what is he even thinking? There's no way that's what it is, he feels like he'd have figured it out sooner. He almost feels a bit dumb with it, letting their fingers brush when he hands it over to him.</p><p>It's a question, asking if everything's alright. The corner of Gerard's mouth twitches in answer, an obvious yes. Mikey speaks up like he doesn't notice anything off, "So, Frankie, are you gonna make it up to her? What's her name again?"</p><p>Frank worries his hands together at the mention of her, "Jamia. I don't know, I'll probably apologize. I don't think I really match well with her, I might break it off."</p><p>Gerard's voice is a bit rougher from smoking already, his words come off as almost a lecture, "You're going to be nice about it though, right?"</p><p>Frank rolls his eyes, "I don't see where you got it in your head that I'm an asshole."</p><p>Gerard passes the blunt to Mikey, tilting his head a bit, "I'm not, you're just a bit insensitive sometimes. And I know you don't mean to be."</p><p>"Am I really that insensitive?"</p><p>And both brothers nod, Mikey commenting, "You're always just kinda caught up in your head, I think you just forget to consider other points of view."</p><p>Frank sighs, "When did you two become so insightful?"</p><p>Gerard shrugs, taking a hit. Frank is still practically pressed against his side, smoking making him warmer than he already is. He feels like he's burning up and he squirms a little.</p><p>Mikey seems to already be off in his own little word, rolling another joint as he hums lowly to himself. Gerard also seems to be zoning out, letting Frank soak up his warmth as his fingers tap on his leg.</p><p>Frank doesn't get how Gerard also isn't shifting with the warmth between them, maybe he's used to it. His pretty hazel eyes are still trained somewhere on the wall as he passes back the almost finished blunt in his hand.</p><p>Frank takes it as he comes to the revelation that he's so hot because he's nervous. Nervous while smoking, since when? Mikey lays back in front of them, looking up at the ceiling distantly, still in his own world.</p><p>Frank wonders if Jamia is having a good Valentines Day, she probably still went out with her friends without him. Frank can't help that he leans more against Gerard as he fishes his phone out of his pocket, he moves back where he was and sends her an apology.</p><p>It's simple and heartfelt, he says what he feels. His emotions always come easier to him when he's high. Gerard speaks up, eyes up at the ceiling now, stating the obvious, "It's Valentine's Day."</p><p>Frank grins at him even though he's not looking, "No shit."</p><p>Gerard's eyes slowly fall down to him, warming considerably, "You got a valentine?"</p><p>Frank softens a bit, "I guess not."</p><p>He expects something, anything, due to the way Gerard is looking at him. But he just gets a hum in response, Frank soaks in the roughness of it anyway. Fuck, what did this turn into?</p><p>At first it had been the older man looking at him like this and now Frank feels like he's the one doing it. He's the one wishing Gerard would kiss him and hold him now. He wishes he had the guts to lean up and brush their lips together.</p><p>Gerard's not that kinda guy and Frank's not that kinda brave. He can't imagine Gerard being the one to initiate it though, he's always so brooding and contemplative. He's all talk and no action yet Frank wishes to be swept off his feet by him.</p><p>He wonders if he would, if he's the kinda lover that's gentle or the kind that would press him against a wall. Frank may or may not have blushed completely at the consideration. Gerard follows it with his eyes, starting at his cheeks before drifting down his neck, face curious.</p><p>Mikey speaks suddenly and he almost jumps, "We've got beer in the fridge, ya know."</p><p>Gerard's voice is a low hum at this point, he always gets so quiet when he smokes, "No drinking before your date, don't be a mess and ruin Alicia's evening."</p><p>Mikey smiles fondly, "You're so considerate of other people's feelings."</p><p>An invasive thought asks Frank that if Gerard's so considerate then why can't he take the initiative. The thought of kissing the older man and being rejected makes Frank buzz with nerves. Why's he so nervous?  It's not like he plans on doing anything.</p><p>Mikey speaks again, “Hey, it’s like the two of you are opposites, that’s great.”</p><p>Frank frowns, “But I don’t try and be inconsiderate.”</p><p>“Which is why you’ve got Gerard, who’s ever the gentleman. You guys should quit undressing each other with your eyes and actually get together.”</p><p>Frank’s cheeks burn but Gerard, as always, looks almost unbothered, “We’re not undressing each other with our eyes.”</p><p>“You’ve both got a case of bedroom eyes.”</p><p>Gerard speaks up, still so quiet that Frank wonders if smoking hurts his vocal chords, “Nah, you’re seeing things.”</p><p>He’s definitely not seeing things and Frank knows it. Gerard is still tapping that beat on his leg, so fluidly that Frank wonders how much he does it when alone. And Frank thinking about Gerard when he’s alone is a bad idea, he instantly realizes his mistake and backtracks.</p><p>Gerard reaches with trembling hands and snatches up his sketchbook, going back to drawing. Frank watches and Mikey speaks up, “Frank, play us something?”</p><p>The younger boy goes to retrieve his acoustic guitar, he always leaves it here since he’s over so frequently. He keeps his electric at home, he likes that it’s loud enough to annoy his mother.</p><p>He sits away from Gerard for fear of not having enough room to strum. He plays whatever, sometimes random chords and sometimes that transitions into a random song he knows. It’s calming, he breathes easier, feeling himself be stared at again.</p><p>He’s alright with it though this time, it doesn’t make him as hot and bothered. He doesn’t even know how much time has passed since he arrived here. He figures enough to go home when Mikey announces he’s gotta get ready for his dinner date.</p><p>Frank has half the mind to leave, to escape so he’s not left alone with Gerard’s heavy gaze. In a way he likes it though, he’s always been one for attention. And Gerard is like the coolest guy he knows so the attention is extra satisfying.</p><p>Mikey leaves them, Frank watching him go. Once the door shuts Gerard turns to him and says, “And you say I’m talented, look at you.”</p><p>Maybe Gerard had waited to say it because they both know Mikey would have commented. The praise makes Frank glow, he appreciates it coming from someone much more interesting than him, “Thanks, Gee.”</p><p>And he doesn’t want to leave anymore, doesn’t consider it. He finds he wants to stay the night, he has before. Never in Gerard’s bed before, he wonders if he’d mind. He doesn’t really think too much about asking, it’d probably be a step too far.</p><p>Gerard doesn’t comment, getting up, “I’m craving a cigarette.”</p><p>It’s a statement but also a question, like he’s asking Frank to come too. He nods, following.</p><p>Gerard pauses at the bottom of the stairs, almost making Frank walk into him, “Fuck, I forgot it’s cold outside.” He looks Frank over, “Want a jacket?”</p><p>He nods, taking the one he’s given. The way Gerard slips on his hoodie makes Frank’s throat tight for no reason. He slides on the jacket, savoring the way it’s too big and obviously Gerard’s. It smells like him too, making his mind turn to thoughts that aren’t platonic.</p><p>He’s never really seen Gerard have any relationships, he’s had them in the past but since he’d come back home from art school he’d told Frank he wasn’t looking for anything.</p><p>Frank turns over that conversation in his mind as they make their way up the stairs. Maybe it’s a worse idea than he thought to kiss Gerard. They settle outside easily, leaning against the house, the cold air making Frank’s cheeks numb.</p><p>His phone buzzes, revealing a text from Jamia. She’d accepted his apology.. and told him it’s not going to work out. Yes, that saves him from being to one to do it. He responds agreeing, being mindful to word it kindly.</p><p>Gerard offers him a cigarette, “Why are you smiling?”</p><p>Frank takes it, letting Gerard light it with a warm hand close to his face to shield the wind, “Jamia says it’s not gonna work out.”</p><p>Gerard frowns, looking his face over again, leaning back as he takes a drag, “You’re taking that better than expected.”</p><p>Which he’s right, Frank does get all caught up in his emotions a lot, heartbreaks usually hurt him especially hard. He shrugs, “I planned on calling it off anyway.”</p><p>Gerard nods, eyes moving away to look over the freshly fallen snow. It’s been snowing a lot, even though Frank gets sick easily he still loves it. The older man seems to be thinking, his words coming as offhanded, “You ever feel.. like shit in your life is wrong?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Gerard moves his hand as if trying to inspire his own words, “I don’t know, like things aren’t how they’re supposed to be? That you’re living in someone else’s body but excluded from their world?”</p><p>Frank frowns, “No. Is that how you feel?”</p><p>He shrugs, taking another drag, and his expression turns bored again, “Sometimes.”</p><p>What Frank wouldn’t give to know what happens in Gerard’s mind. It’s so intriguing, there’s a million mysteries. Frank holds his hand, squeezing reassuringly.</p><p>Gerard sighs, squeezing back, “I guess I just feel like things need to change but I can’t get out of my comfort zone enough to change them.”</p><p>Frank nods, “I get that, I guess.”</p><p>Gerard looks at him again and softly says, “I wish things were different.”</p><p>Frank’s chest gets tight, “What?”</p><p>Gerard leans his head back and takes another drag, sighing out the smoke, “I wish I could get my art out there and talk with the guy I like and just quit wasting my youth.”</p><p>“You’re not wasting it, things happen for a reason. The time will come.”</p><p>“When? When will the time come?”</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>Gerard sighs again and all Frank can offer is a squeeze of his hand. They head back inside, grabbing beer before they go back down to the basement. Mikey passes them and gives them a farewell so they mumble back their goodbyes.</p><p>Frank can’t help but love wasting time with Gerard, giggling over nothing. Gerard rarely smiles properly and when he does it’s crooked and perfect. Frank loves it, loves when he gets the older man to giggle along with him.</p><p>Gerard’s got one of those amazing ugly laughs that Frank adores so much it hurts. He only realizes how much time has passed when his mom texts asking where he is. Right, she thinks he’s with Jamia and is expecting him back.</p><p>He tells her he went to the Way’s house, turning to Gerard to grin dumbly and ask if he can stay over. He gets a soft confirmation and tells his mom that too, curving into Gerard’s side as they both lay down.</p><p>He rests his cheek comfortably against the older man’s shoulder, safe and warm due to the alcohol and the arm around him. His mother says that’s okay, not that he was asking.</p><p>Gerard is telling him this story, he’s not even listening, caught up on the sound of his voice more than his words. His voice is rough from smoking and confident from the alcohol, Frank watches him in wonder.</p><p>He takes in his features, the older man not even taking notice because he’s staring up at the ceiling as he talks. When he glances over Frank’s eyes are on his mouth, making him pause.</p><p>Frank’s eyes jump back up, looking at him in almost shock, “Continue.”</p><p>Gerard grimaces, “Frank.”</p><p>He hums in question, eyes falling to his lips again. There’s something in him that tells him he’s being too upfront about this, too obvious with his want. Gerard gives him a look and Frank lets his voice get quieter as he meekly says, “Sorry.”</p><p>He’s practically half on top of him too, feeling Gerard’s hand fall on his waist to squeeze, “It’s alright.”</p><p>He says that it’s alright but his tone tells him not to be ashamed. Frank’s not sure why and then his stupid intoxicated brain lights up with the fact that Gerard thinks he’s straight. Fuck, he’s such an idiot, how could he forget something so major.</p><p>Why hadn’t he told Gerard about his sexuality? He’s not even sure, he just got filled with fear whenever thinking about telling him. It had been unknown to him until he thinks that maybe he was defending his emotions.</p><p>His voice comes out weak, “Oh.”</p><p>Alright, maybe they were right when they told him he gets too caught up in himself. Because he’d thought this conflict with Gerard doing anything was because he’s Gerard, not because of his unknown sexuality.</p><p>If the older man had known then would he have done something by now? Hell, if he had it probably would’ve confused Frank because he’d only even realized Gerard’s emotions today. He really needs to get better at getting out of his head, “Gee?”</p><p>He’s met with a soft hum in response, Gerard’s expression almost tired. He hadn’t moved away though, Frank figured it’s alright to continue.</p><p>He doesn’t know why but the need to apologize comes up again, “I’m sorry.” He pauses and then weakly says, “Will you be my valentine?”</p><p>Gerard’s eyes soften and Frank has never been so sure about someone’s feelings in his life. His lips turn upwards sweetly, “Of course. Why are you apologizing?”</p><p>Frank considers for a second then replies, “I wear you out.”</p><p>“Never.”</p><p>Frank almost hates him for how much that answer makes him want him. Makes him need him. He hides his face behind his hands, aching a bit, “I do. I know I do, I’m sorry.”</p><p>Because he’d been the one making Gerard frustrated, he’d been a thing that made him feel wrong in his body and life. He doesn’t know how to make things better now, he’s not sure where to even go from here.</p><p>Does Gerard even want him anymore? What if he had and is now going after some other guy? He did say he wants to talk to the guy he likes, him and Frank talk all the time. He’s got his brain all jumbled up now.</p><p>He’s panicking, he realizes. And Gerard is watching him do so with worried eyes, speaking up, “You don’t, Frank. What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Do you even want to be my valentine or did you say yes because it’s what I want? Do you even like me?”</p><p>Gerard furrows his eyebrows, “Where’s all this coming from? You know I like you, if I didn’t then I wouldn’t be around you.”</p><p>And, in about the stupidest thing he’s ever done, Frank simply says, “I’m bisexual, ya know.”</p><p>It comes out breathy and weak, he watches Gerard’s worried eyes fill with a bit of amusement, “I know. Is that what you’re worried about?”</p><p>Frank is amazed that Gerard didn’t make fun of him. He’s also confused how he knows, and if he knows then what’s the conflict from? He sees it in his eyes, much further down than the worry.</p><p>Gerard hums, “I love you no matter what. Besides, I’m not even straight, why would you-“</p><p>Frank curves up to brush their lips together, stopping the older man in his tracks. Is that what he wants? He feels his body tingle and Gerard’s eyes are so wide in shock. Frank’s mind moves past the bliss to find his fear of rejection, maybe he was wrong.</p><p>Gerard takes a second to gather his wits about him, voice going softer, but he still doesn’t seem able to, “You- What?”</p><p>Frank shrinks away so fast, unsurely saying, “Sorry, I-“</p><p>He cuts himself off, not even knowing how to explain himself. His stomach twists with nerves, he’s about to lose his best friend. Gerard still seems to be figuring himself out, mouth twisting downwards, “Frank.”</p><p>Frank sits up, trying to get away bit to breathe, apologizing again, “Sorry.”</p><p>That’s all he seems to be able to say at the moment. Gerard’s voice seems a little more solid, “Frank.. I’m not looking for anything at the moment.”</p><p>Woah, and there goes the rejection. It stings and Frank almost wants to get mad about how much it hurts. He’s been hit twice today, he thinks bitterly.</p><p>The older man sits up too, pausing before he gets up, “I’m gonna go smoke.”</p><p>It’s another request to be joined and Frank almost wants to stubbornly stay. But then he has a higher chance of losing Gerard so he goes. The coldness outside that’s the result of it being 3am seems to bite him through the jacket.</p><p>They’re silent, smoking, and Frank wishes he could just go home. He’s tired and he needs to process all that’s happened. All that’s happening, more like.</p><p>Gerard keeps giving him little looks as he thinks, eyebrows seeming to be permanently furrowed. Frank holds his cigarette between his fingers, wishing it’d burn up all the way to his fingers. Some pain would help him process faster, he thinks.</p><p>Gerard’s voice snaps him out of it, “Hey.”</p><p>The older man’s long raven hair blows in the wind, his cheeks are pink from the cold. Frank raises his eyebrows at him, wondering how Gerard can look so pretty when he probably looks like a mess.</p><p>They’d been standing close enough that it takes zero effort for Gerard to pull him up. He goes on his toes, complying to the tight hand in his hair, their lips meeting. And, wow, it’s much better when Gerard’s kissing him with such conviction.</p><p>He’s pleased to find that Gerard is both kinds of lover, with a surprisingly gentle touch as he crowds him against the wall. Frank hums, fingers tightly grasping his arm, keeping him there.</p><p>He tastes like nicotine and something sweet. They both still have cigarettes in their hands so it doesn’t last long. Gerard takes on step back, taking a drag as he breathes out, “Sorry.”</p><p>Frank takes a drag too, heart beating fast, “Sorry?”</p><p>Gerard nods, dropping his cigarette in the snow so it goes out. Frank lets himself be pulled back in, cold hands on his cheeks to keep him there.</p><p>His cigarette does burn his fingers then and he drops it into the snow while swearing.</p>
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